Testing Testing

Life is but a series of tests.  And some tests are just not meant to be taken.  I have tried this test over and over...but I fail every time.  But it's a test that's ok to fail.  It is telling me to stay away.  That I won't get well if I keep trying right now.  There is no happiness...only sadness and extreme pain...feeling like I am the one who failed to begin with.  And I can't seem to deal with that at this time.  I need to know that I am not a failure...and that I can progress regardless of this fucked up situation. 

I don't know what I hope is the outcome of all this.  Maybe that I wish we could both be happy.  But I'm not there yet.  I don't know when that will be.  You wanted what the heart wanted...you knew it would really hurt me...but what did that matter?  You never said sorry.  You gave me a shitty present instead.  And I returned your shitty present so there would be no memory of you.

So I have to stay away as much as it hurts to cut you out of my life.  It is truly better that you are not in it.  Maybe one day you will understand a bit to what this has felt like, or maybe not.  Either way the ultimate test is to say goodbye...and to forget...and to get stronger...and to overcome.  Because feelings cannot be controlled my friend, I have tried.  I have tried for you and I have tried for me.  But in the end, this is my life and I will not let you control it anymore.  Goodbye for now....

Things I've been observing, feeling, realizing...& some EVE advice/tips too!

(one of my inspirations in life...and HEROES...
she's not 'real' but that don't matter!!!?!!!
It's Delirium from the Sandman Comic Series...
she's so funny & free & full of life & pure craziness....
& she she she...is JUST so colorful & pretty!
I want to be like her...well, maybe just a couple notches less crazier....^_^)

1. I should not stay up late (into the early morning hours)...either on the computer or making art. I wake up soooo sleepy and feel pretty tired all day. I try to make it through my day as good as I possibly can...and I'm alright at it but I really do NEED to catch up on my zzzzzzzzzz's. (My advice-sooooo always TRY to get a good night's sleep or you'll regret it! It's a FACT indeed.)
2. Having LOTS of friends is not always a good thing. Especially if you run in the same circles be it online or in "real" life. I've always been the type of person to have just a few really good friends and I think that's more than enough. I can't handle TOO much gossip or catty BS. I always get hurt because words (gossip) spread fast....& girls can get especially vicious when they think they know YOU more than YOU know yourself. So honestly I just prefer hanging out with my guy friends at times-less drama, no BS. (Advice-Sometimes you really don't know someone the way you THINK you do...and just realize you don't know {and will never know} EVERYTHING about a person. Just like a friend will never know everything about you. Most of all, please keep in mind that friends come in & out of our lives for a reason. And even when it's painful & sad, realize IT was supposed to happen. *Oh, and remember there's ALWAYS 3 sides to a story-my story, your story, and the TRUTH...is that how the saying goes?)
3. If you can't be your own best friend then...you won't get very far in life. If someone doesn't want to do something with you...just do it yourself! (oh & I didn't go to the HEART concert-it was cold & a bit rainy & too far away in the end...not to mention not entirely FREE-sucks) (Advice-get plenty of "me" aka: "YOU" time...even if you're reading, crafting/arting things up, or just being a couch potato...and know there will be a time(s) when you just gotta go out & do it for YOURSELF-like going to the movies, a concert, or an art show. ;}
4. I live for (and love) the simple things in life. Example: like hugging/kissing/chilling out with my doggie...oh & the boyfriend too. ;} Or staying in my art room for hours listening to music and trying out new artsy things...or just really focusing on a piece. (Advice-Every now & then JUST...drop the tv, the computer, the car, the cellphone-I KNOW you can DO it! And simply just ENJOY the lil' things for a lil' while. Mainly so you'll know there is more to life than just all this technology crap...& yeah, blogging too. Yes, I'm slowly but surely learning that about blogging! BLOGGER can live without you and me for ___ time. Never ever ever EVER feel like you HAVE to blog! I make that assumption all the time. I HEART writing/sharing but sometimes you just NEED a break for a bit...and NEVER apologize for it. OK!??)
5. BE YOURSELF...BELIEVE IN YOURSELF...FOLLOW YOUR HEART...AND YOU'LL ALWAYS BE ON THE RIGHT PATH. (I don't think I need to say anymore about that one!)
6. I ALWAYS REMEMBER EVERY DAY IS MY UN-BIRTHDAY. (ADVICE-CELEBRATE YOURSELF IN SOME WAY EACH & EVERY DAY...have a long bubble bath or bake yourself something really bad for you...do something FUN just 'cuz you deserve it!)
   

Take care friends and enjoy your day.~